I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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