Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
