I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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