Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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