There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
