plz talk dirty to me
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize