eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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