Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
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