i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
