FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize