I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
