During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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