whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
