im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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