Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
You can't special order awesome
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
