I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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