so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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