May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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