i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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