you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
