listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
