i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
They are going to name an STD after you.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
