I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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