I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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