he puts the penis in happiness.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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