You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
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