She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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