Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
