If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
