I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
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