i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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