I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize