It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
