OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
