HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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