Betty ford says i'm here all night
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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