At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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