my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize