she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Dignity is for republicans.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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