I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
