I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
