my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
