u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
