the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Randomize
