it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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