Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
