so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Randomize
