you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
