Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
that is very illegal...i love you.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
