it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
