cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
