Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
