i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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