if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
