a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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