You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
