ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
