it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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