put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
