I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Sober January is a disaster.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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