everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
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