I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
