Whoa Z and x make the same sound
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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