please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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