we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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