It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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