I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
