You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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