so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
