Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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