I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
