Your mouth is God's brothel.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
