Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize