You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
