After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize