i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
