What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
