Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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