ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
