Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize
