Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
