Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
