I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
