So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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