Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
