the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
