just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
